And now it’s time for a little selfishness. I don’t mean that in a “give me all the coconuts” sort of way… but if you know that you want something bad enough, you’ll find a way to get it, and that process is always a little bit selfish—and by that, I mean selfish with your time. Time begins to have more weight. You find that you need more of it, and more control over who you give it to. 

The greatest challenge for following your own ambitions and seeing them through is to do so without becoming a complete and total jerk/bitch/douchebag and a half. I do not want to be 35 and screaming into a phone, cursing at baristas, and stealing cabs from old ladies. And what’s scary is that I can see myself becoming like that (okay, maybe not exactly like that. I may tap my foot at a barista). Because getting what you want can be a scary thing. “Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true… isn’t it?” But once again, the cure for not becoming a bitchy, jerky, douche and a half is to strive for a good sense of balance in your life (work, play, mind, body, rest, being grateful), even if it ends up driving you a little crazy. 

Now, what’s even more interesting and slightly fucked up is that at some point, you’ll get to see the worst and most hated parts of yourself (I’ve had a glimpse). One day, you find yourself in that moment where your emotions are escalating like a hardon and you will just snap; or you are forced to make a decision and you go with the one that challenges every fibre of your moral compass, but—damn it—you’ve had it so hard and it would feel so good to just do whatever it is, just this once, because you deserve a break. Who will know?

And it will keep you up at night. 

Oh, the guilt. In another life, I would have been a perfect Catholic. 

If it weren’t for all that sodomy.